I do not like to lose. Period. At anything. Ever. I am the first to admit that I might have a problem. Growing up, I learned my competitive tendencies directly from my dad. He was a man who hated to lose. Horse shoes, darts, cards….whatever the game, my dad would practice each until he felt confident he could win against any opponent. If he felt he did not have a reasonable chance to win, he would not play. Or he would cheat. Because losing was such an unacceptable outcome to him, he always reserved cheating as an option. You know, that proverbial ace up the sleeve. I can’t tell you how many times I was on the receiving end of that behavior during cut-throat family euchre games. Games were serious. Winning was essential. It’s just the way he was. And I learned all I know from him.
Competition (and winning) is so ingrained in me that I literally view everything as a competition. Weekly corn hole tournaments, Uncle Wiggily with my grandchildren, “friendly” family card games….I go for the win in everything… to the point that my entire family, grandchildren included, conspires against me to ensure that I lose. They are as focused and united in their efforts to defeat me as I am focused and solitary in my efforts to win. A couple years ago I took my obsession with winning to a whole new (slightly psychotic) level…..giving blood. To my competitive delight, I discovered during one random blood donation event that the nurses actually time the blood-letting process. Well, let the games begin! When we had a blood donation event at my school, I would “race” the other teachers and students near me for the fastest time. The winner…..wins. Enough said. One of my favorite competitors, a math teacher, always lost. She was soooo slow! And every time I gloated over my faster time, she would spout some nonsense about math blood being richer and more dense than English blood. Whatever! In my book, a win is a win….and losing makes you a loser!
So now you can see the depths of my obsession….and it’s not pretty. I was trained by the best to win and to take great pride in every one of those wins, a philosophy to which I wholly adhere. However, God’s ideas on winning are quite different. In writing to the church at Philippi, Paul said, “But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ” (Philippians 3:7-8). Paul used the word loss three times in those two verses…..making me cringe each time. For someone consumed with winning, with gains, loss and losing are hard concepts to swallow. But that is the way God works…. because He is God. So what are my “all things” that I count as gain? My academic awards, my college GPA, my recognition at work, my fitness, my ability to “bleed” faster than others, my high standing among my peers, my writing…. I could probably go on, but you get the point, right? These are the things, my accomplishments, that I take pride in, great pride actually. And there’s the problem. By counting my accomplishments and my pride in those accomplishments as gains, I center my focus solely on me, causing me to become ego-centric, deflecting my focus away from the Savior who scored the ultimate gain, the ultimate win…..the win over sin and death and the grave. The ultimate gain that saved my soul. My paltry wins are nothing compared to that. They are, in Paul’s word: “rubbish”….in Isaiah’s words: “unclean thing[s]” and “filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6).
For me, these scriptures form such a huge part of my walk with God. The truth in these God-breathed words challenges me in a way that no game, no contest, no competition ever could. They challenge me to put aside my motivation and drive for earthly acknowledgment and acclaim, to trade those desires for a greater reward…”that I may gain Christ…that I may be found in Him…not having my own righteousness…. but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith” (Philippians 3:8-9). I love that He knows me so well that He inspired these verses just for me. Because He knew I needed them. I need this reminder every time I read it! Let me be honest…I need this reminder every day! Because, let me tell you, it is so easy in this world to focus on myself and the “all things” that make up my daily life. It is so easy to seek after “gains” to the exclusion of all else, even of God. It is so easy to focus only on me, and, in the process, lose sight of God. That must be why Matthew said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). And why Paul urged us to “seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind [affections] on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:1-2). For me, this means to throw my pride in myself and my gains away, to drop my “all things” right into my mental garbage can, to ”count it all loss”, and then to focus on the Lord and all that He has done…..to seek first His kingdom, not my own accolades….”that I may gain Christ” (Philippians 3:8). That is the win I’m seeking, the prize I’m striving for, the only gain that really matters.