My job is teaching; my customers are teenagers. Lots and lots of teenagers- in all their glorious, self-conscious, hormonal, angst-laden selves. And I love them! Little kids are cute and fun and probably a lot less complicated to teach, but teenagers…well, they are their own unique brand of cute and fun- and they are full of complications….or rather their lives are. For so many of them, too many of them, their lives are a hot mess- dirty, complicated, hard. Yet, this is where God has planted me. And He has equipped me with eyes to see and ears to hear. Oh, the things I have seen and heard from my little flock in the last 20-some years. Academic problems, social problems, sexuality problems, abuse problems. God, in His infinite wisdom, drops these problem-laden kids right into my classroom. Kids who pull up a chair to chat at my desk and then pull up their sleeves to show me their scars. Kids who share with me the details surrounding a parent’s suicide- and their struggle to make meaning of that horror. Kids who don’t eat because their food intake is the only thing they can control in their lives. Kids who have suffered abuse at the hands of a trusted adult. I’ve seen it all. I’ve heard it all. I’ve felt it all, right there beside them. And through it all, I’ve tried to point them to the only One who loves them unconditionally, the only One who will never hurt them, the only One who will never leave them nor forsake them (Deuteronomy 31:6). It’s a blurry line I walk some days. But I follow where God leads and go where He directs….well, I try to anyways.
My job is teaching; my subject? English. The typical stuff: fiction, essays, Shakespeare. Yet, I’m inclined to believe that one of the most important “things” I teach, possibly even the most important, is public speaking. You know, that arena of the English classroom that people believe is the most frightening. However, I, personally, find it to be the most rewarding. So, in my classroom I have this rolling wooden podium, one that I encourage my students to embrace. I tell my students before they ever give their first speech that the podium is their friend, a safe place from which they can share their greatest successes, mourn their greatest losses, shout out their greatest influences. The safe place from which they can address the greatest demons they face. I encourage them to be real, to be honest, to be vulnerable. I encourage them to share their burdens- and then, after the speech, I tell them to lay that burden down, right there on the podium, and to walk away. And they do. My students walk up to that podium armed only with words and courage…and from that safe place they stare down the monsters that have pursued them. My podium carries the weight of my students’ scars, their abuse, their loss, even their addictions. It carries the joys of a remembered grandparent. It carries the heartache of a lost loved one. It carries my students’ memories of being bullied as well as their triumphs in overcoming those who tore them down. It carries their painful memories of rejection and insufficiency. My podium carries it all- and I laughingly tell my students that it has absorbed the blood, the sweat, and the tears of 20 years’ worth of kids who have found in it a place where they can be free.
For me, the podium has also functioned in such a way. As a teacher, I have stood behind that podium and shared moments of incredible joy and moments of incredible sorrow- with my students. In modeling how to give a speech, I’ve found my own freedom, a sort of catharsis, in wrapping words around my own personal struggles and burdens…and then in laying those words, those burdens, down on that podium’s smooth service.
Fortunately, we all have that kind of podium, that place, in our lives. That Place is Jesus. Jesus is our safe place-He is my safe Place. He is the Place to which I run and hide when the world is overwhelming. He is the Place where I sob out my frustrations and my fears. He is the Place where I lay my burdens down. In the Bible, Jesus says, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). That’s the beauty of all of this- He wants to exchange my heavy burdens for His….He wants to carry my load. I love that about Him. He doesn’t tell me to get over it or to suck it up-He tells me that He will carry my burden for me…and if need be, He will even carry me. Because when I am weak, then He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). His grace is sufficient for me; His strength is made perfect in my weakness (and trust me, I’ve got plenty of weakness for Him to use!).
I’m not sure if I will ever reach the maturity level that Paul writes about in 2 Corinthians 12. Paul writes, “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake…”. It’s like James telling me to count it all joy when I fall into various trials (James 1:2). Count it all joy?? Yeah, not quite there yet. But I do remind myself that that is where I should be aiming to be, that should be my destination here on the earth. Because it is there, in that place, in the Place, that we find rest for our souls, where we truly can lay our burdens down and know that they are in good hands, that we are in good hands, hands that bear the scars of a Savior who gave his very life for mine.
Lord, thank You that You are my safe Place, my hiding place, my refuge in the storm. Life seems pretty stormy most of the time, but in You, I have peace and I have rest. If You can sleep in the boat in the midst of the storm, well then I can too, confident that You won’t leave me. Confident that You are greater than the storm. Lord, I ask that You continue to use me. Continue to give me ears to hear and eyes to see. Continue to give me compassion, even when what I want to feel is frustration. Most of all, Lord, give me wisdom and love. Help me to love as You love, without conditions, without strings. Amen.